ASLU 065: The Jealous Creative - Confronting the Ugly Emotion
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This week, certified career and success coach Alana Ruoso joins us again to talk about the emotion we don't talk about: jealousy. We've all felt it - the green monster, the"ugliest" emotion or the dark side.
Does feeling jealous make us a bad person? No. It makes us human. But jealousy is usually masking something deeper and ignoring it - or even being unwilling to admit to it - can cause more harm than good. The problem is, it’s an emotion we’re often encouraged to repress. Or we’re told it makes us an ugly or bad person so we let it fester because we don’t want to admit what we’re truly feeling. None of this is helpful to anyone.
Alana and Melissa sit down to talk about why we need to normalize emotions - even the bad ones - so that instead of letting them fester and grow, we, as working creatives, can navigate those pangs of jealousy and even turn them into something positive! We even get into how to deal with jealous peers and friends too.
This Episode is Great For…
This episode is great for anyone who has ever felt jealousy stirring while scrolling Instagram or listening to another creative talk about their fabulous commission or a friend talk about their new project or their upcoming vacation. Learn how to look beyond the pangs of jealousy to uncover what's really going on in your mind and how you can address it - and even harness it into something positive for you and your work.
And a special shout-out to Rachael Dyer (Episode 60) for sparking the idea for this episode.
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to check out Alana’s previous guest appearance (Episode 46) on 10 Curious Ways Creatives Self-Sabotage.
If you just want the links to the resources mentioned in this episode, scroll down to the bottom.
Listen To the Episode
Here’s a direct link to Episode 65 . You can also listen via the player below or on your favourite podcast app (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Stitcher, and more). Just search for And She Looked Up!
it’s ok to feel a negative emotion
It’s what you do next that’s important.
In this episode we cover…
In this episode :
the differences between jealousy and envy. They are different but both revolve around somebody having something you want or your fear of losing something you have.
jealousy often plays into the scarcity mindset or vise versa.
jealousy always has an underlying cause that needs to be addressed - it could be anger, a past trauma, or a mindset issue that hasn’t been addressed
ignoring jealous feelings with the excuse of protecting our mental health (ie: muting people on social media, avoiding situations
the current “positive vibes only” movement that discourages people from admitting to negative emotions or being unhappy with their current situation or failing to show gratitude for all they have has made feelings like discontent, jealousy or anger even harder to admit to or address.
It’s very important that we normalize all emotions so that we can deal with them, rather than repressing them
it’s ok to recognize you can be grateful for what you have and want to grow as a human being and work to change things about yourself that don’t make you happy.
the importance of being willing to recognize what we’re truly feeling and be honest about it
some of the things you can do to analyze those feeling of jealousy through noting triggers, writing down when you feel these emotions and what was going on at the time
jealousy can be rooted in low self-esteem and imposter syndrome which can be fed by the myth of perfection we’re constantly exposed to on social media
as creatives we often get wrapped up in the prefect, finished item we see others produce without seeing the messy beginnings and the failed attempts. Even seeing the “behind the scenes” on social is often curated to show a carefully depicted narrative that’s still glossy and has a filter on it.
keeping a “trigger'“ journal whenever something makes you mad, jealous, or feeling crappy about yourself. Patterns will emerge!
it is important to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and examine why you feel uncomfortable - but it’s also important to think of ways you can shift that energy to get you to where you want to be - this is what Rachael mentioned in her episode - that she likes to use those feelings of jealousy to motivate herself to get to where she wants to be.
how to channel jealousy in a positive way - like working out the steps to get the thing you want. If you’re jealous of somebody’s painting skills, what steps can you take to become a better painter?
jealously can be a way to call yourself out for the excuses we all make for ourselves.
jealousy can be a diversionary tactic and an excuse
jealously can all be a sign that we haven’t figured out what it is we want.
it’s ok to be a beginner and it’s important to embrace the process of becoming the person you want to be or mastering the skill you want to learn
what can we do if we feel like friends, family, colleagues, or peers are exhibiting some signs of jealousy towards us?
Mentioned In This Episode
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